Friends - The One Where Everybody Lies And Steals Stuff
Are Monica, Chandler, Rachel, Ross, Joey and Phoebe Bad People?
Ross's Hotel Amenities Code of Conduct
Like many fans of Friends, I was saddened by the news of Metthew Perry’s death last Saturday. He was truly a stand-out performer amid a group of great comic actors.
Since then, there have been many articles about his comic talent and how the chemistry and close relationships among the cast was a major contributor to the success of the sitcom. Yes, that chemistry was apparent throughout the show’s run, but I think there was something else, not much discussed, that helped to hook viewers.
I have binge-watched all 10 series a few times and I started to notice a couple of patterns that I thought at first were a bit concerning. Then later I realised they actually served to make the characters more human and easier to relate to.
And those patterns?
Lying and stealing.
Ask Me No Questions And I’ll Tell You No Lies
Whenever any of the friends are put on the spot, their default position is to lie or deny.
These lies usually end up causing all kinds of complications, forcing the liar into situations full of comic potential.
And for every lie, the writers always come up a compelling and logical reason for the character to dissemble. The reasoning behind each lie is so skilfully written and true to the character that we often find ourselves rooting for them to pull it off.
After all, we can all relate to difficult situations where telling the truth would get us into trouble. Where we justify our lies as being an act of self-preservation.
Who hasn’t panicked under pressure and told the first lie that pops into our heads?
And we know we are no different in this from any other person on this planet. Even the most conservative research finds that almost everybody lies at least once or twice a day.
Some of the lies on Friends are low level, like Chandler denying to Monica that he smokes. Or Ross saying he is “fine” when he so obviously is not.
Even something as serious as Ross telling Rachel they were divorced when they weren’t is understandable. Ross doesn’t want to kill his chances of a future relationship by being known as the dude with 3 divorces.
A Six-person Crime Wave
More problematic than the lying is the amount of thievery that happens in the show.
Some of the “highlights” include
Monica and Rachel stealing money lying round Ross’s apartment.
Monica and Chandler stealing a blue sweater from a gift shop in Las Vegas.
Joey and Rachel stealing a soap opera award from one of Joey’s fellow actresses.
Monica stealing an apple from the VIP lounge at the airport.
Phoebe stealing a pen from Sting’s New York apartment.
Chandler and Rachel stealing a couple of cheesecakes from their downstairs neighbour.
Chandler stealing a VHS tape from Richard’s apartment.
Ross stealing anything in a Vermont hotel room that isn’t nailed down.
Ross’s Hotel Amenities Code of Conduct
To be fair to Ross, his acquisition of hotel amenities does have a code of conduct.
As he explains to Chandler
“You have to find the line between stealing and taking what the hotel owes you.”
Remote control no, but the batteries yes.
A lamp no, but the lightbulbs yes.
A saltshaker no, but the salt yes.
And the other thefts generally have logical explanations, too.
Monica and Chandler take the blue sweater from the gift shop because they urgently need something blue and “borrowed” for their Vegas wedding.
The soap opera star doesn’t care about the award, so Joey and Rachel predict she won’t miss it.
Monica steals the apple as revenge for not getting an upgrade on her honeymoon flight.
Chandler thinks that what he steals from Richard’s apartment is an illicit sex tape of Monica.
Phoebe justifies the pen as a trophy souvenir for a dedicated Sting fan.
Monica is Ross’s brother and Rachel his BFF and ex-lover so pocketing the odd banknote is treated as a bit naughty but normal.
Are The Friends Characters ‘Mean People’?
The only of the above-mentioned thefts that, for me, fails the justification test is the cheesecakes. Yes, Chandler opened the first one by mistake (we’ve all accidentally opened somebody’s else’s stuff) but to take the second one as well goes beyond naughty.
That’s when I get a niggling thought at the back of my mind that all the characters in Friends are not ‘good’ people.
Or, as Joey puts it, “mean people”.
But then I think about us, the audience, and our own lives.
If any one of us put just the bad things we had done over the years into a highlights reel, we would probably all come off looking even worse than Monica, Chandler, Rachel, Ross, Joey and Phoebe.
And the six characters also do many kind and thoughtful things that act as a counterbalance to their misdeeds.
In other words, they are normal human beings just doing the best that they can in difficult situations.
Context is everything.
So, as the Bible puts it, let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
P.S. If you are interested in recent research about how much people lie, here’s a link to a 2021 study by the University of Alabama https://www.uab.edu/news/research/item/12398-new-research-shows-most-people-are-honest-except-for-a-few